Ugh ok so today on my FB news feed, someones offensive crap popped up about their opinion on Gay Marriage and how the bible says its an Abomination etc…. And i hate to get into these conversations because i HATE
a.Arguing about stupid shit that the world will never COMPLETELY agree on
b.Purposely violating peoples personal beliefs and freedom of speech and opinion.
c.Going off on people on social network sites
d.Blantantly talking openly about my sexuality and my relationship because its none of anybodies business but mine, the person i’m dating, my very close friends and family, and God’s
HOLD IT!!!!Now with that said please don’t think that i’m not trying to hide my sexuality, because i will be the first to tell you sorry hun, i’m gay. Or i’ll talk about what me and my boyfriend were arguing about etc (hypothetically speaking).
Onward with the story…
Well of course this builds some controversy and because i have this person listed as a close friend on FB whenever someone comments it pops right back into my news feed…. so i’m going throughout the day constantly seeing what people are posting and i start to get pissed off… so i decided to post my ever prominent phrase “Wow….” and continue on with my day and i just continue to fume and get more and more pissed about the comments that are being made about how God dislikes this and God Hates this and all that bullshit. So now not only have you hit my sexuality and how you think its wrong, but you’ve also hit my religion and beliefs about God and who he really is. And then it hits me… i have to say something. I can’t just continue to sit back and watch anymore because i’m PISSED to the core and multiple people have said very offensive things and those who are trying to defend the right, aren’t verbally coming across in a manner that is calm, they’re just fueling the fire…. SOOOOOOO i begin to write (And if you’re reading this *you know who you are* you know what happens when i just start writing). So by the end i’m pretty sure my comment was about an essays worth. And honestly, i’m pretty proud of it. (yes i’m posting it for all of you :D)
“Ok i’m tired of seeing this pop upon my feed and not saying anything so here it is.
Bottom line whether you’re for or against any type of homosexual relations this status offended a lot of people… including myself. And most of the people that have talked to me being offended aren’t even homosexual. It is fine to have an opinion, this is your wall do what you want with it. But consider the other people who are your friends, and people that consider you FAMILY in their home and have taken you in as a brother or sister before you decide to post something like this because at the end of the day you don’t know who it going to hit, and how offensive your statement can be.
I am VERY religious and i believe in God and Jesus Christ just as any other Christian. And although it does say that Homosexuality was an abomination, there are multiple other things that God and the Community believed were to be either an abomination or a sin.
1.piercings or tattoo’s
2.wearing more than one material in clothing
3.anal stimulation or sex (Male or Female)
Over the years those things have been laxed both by believers and non-believers. So why is this any different? The last time i checked all sin is equal, and no one follows the bible to the perfect “T.”
The bible was not written for Christians to ridicule others for the way they live, it was written as a guideline to live your life by, meaning that YES, WE ALL WILL SIN AND FALL SHORT to the glory of God. But HE is the one who will judge us in the end, NOT ANYONE on this earth. Our job as Christians is to LOVE everyone and spread the love and word of Jesus Christ and how he died for ALL our sins so that we can all be saved by his grace. Not just heterosexuals, whites, blacks, rich, or poor; EVERYONE WHO BELIEVES.
And as far as belief in the bible goes, You must also take into account that the Bible was not written by God himself. it was written by man. And ALL MANKIND is flawed. That doesn’t mean the bible is flawed, however that does mean that the very people that claimed to write these books in the name of Christ could have easily lied, just as MANKIND is prone to do, because we are prone to sin. Even the Devil himself was an Angel at one point. You also must look at the fact that there are other chapters of the bible that didn’t even make it into the bible because the CHURCH ruled them out… Meaning that the very words that were written didn’t make it because another MAN said they were not worthy of it.
To clarify, I do read the bible, and i very much so believe in the bible, However i also look at the possibility that not everything in the bible, is necessarily so. Jesus Christ himself had a great dislike for the church and what they preached. While he walked this earth, he was all about love. AND took the people that NO ONE considered religious or holy in any manner from tax collectors, to prostitutes and used them as vessels to spread the word of God and his LOVE for all who accepted him.
So before you tell me that my love for another man, or anyone else’s love for another HumanBeing is wrong, or an abomination, be sure to check yourself and your sins, before you go tossing out someone else’s and talking about YOUR OPINION about MY GOD, who loves me and every aspect of me, regardless of who i’m with, what i’m wearing, or what piercing or tattoo i have on my body.
And i’m not posting this to get this argument started on here, but since this is a blog… and i think i expressed my point pretty well i thought i’d share, you don’t necessarily have to agree, nor do i want you to feel like i want you to do so. But at some point i needed to get this out of my system and here it is. and hopefully i don’t have to talk about it anymore. haha
LOVE MY FOLLOWERS :) Especially the ones who read all the way down to the last line haha :) MUCH LOVE
I decided to do this in two parts because i think that this was something so substantial that it deserved its own :)
Today was my church anniversary and it was such a moving service and you could literally feel the presence of God. Followers know, and if you are a random reader (thanks for reading), I am a dancer.
I was asked to dance at the service, to a piece the choir was doing. So on Thursday (before i left town), i rehearsed with the choir and that night i could tell that something big was going to happen… little did i know… it would be happening to me.
So today, i arrived at the church calm, cool and collected and prepared myself to dance, the usual stretching, etc. Well about halfway through the service, something completely comes over me as i’m stretching and i start to shake and tear up a bit. Because i knew what had just happened. and i enter into the sanctuary…. still shaking, can’t stop moving. and the vibe i got heightened by 200 on a scale from 1to10… And i can’t even control it. We start the song… and from there i don’t remember anything, but what i was feeling from God and this indescribable feeling that had came over me.
now for a little break and some history…
My life has been a living HELL, and coming home made it no better. This year i’ve “lost” one very meaningful relationship that i’m still heartbroken about, but gained another means soo much to me. come out tony parents that i’m Gay, switched majors, gained great experiences… And although so much of that is good… not everyone else seems to think so… i’ve lost friends, i’ve lost family, i’ve lost trust, and at one point i thought i was losing this new relationship (the boy who still remains unnamed lol) and its been rough… and honestly i thought God was just done with me. And that he didn’t care anymore.
now back to the story…
During the time my body was dancing (truly an outer body experience because it did not feel like i was there) God was doing the work and took over. And although i didn’t “necessarily” hear his voice. he told me that he wasn’t done with me. He also reminded me that he was still here an although i feel like everyone who was important in my life is backing out, he’s just making way for bigger and better things because they were holding me back. He said that I was exactly where i needed to be, and to trust myself, and more importantly trust him. That what i’m feeling and how i’m feeling isn’t wrong and that HE, is in control of my life, not my parents, not my professors, not even me. And right now, he is making room for what he has in store for me. He said don’t be discouraged because the people you held close are walking away, because although they are walking away now. They served their purpose as you were growing up and in the previous chapters of your life, and now i have to remove them from your presence and from your inner circle because keeping them here will only hold you back from what i want. he said keep going, you’re on the right path… and then the song was over… and i had hit that last moments and completely broke down. Because his spirit left my body for a moment and and i was exhausted… THAT was some type of experience. I have never felt that out of control and that clear of a message from him… ever. lol
Well i woke up this morning…. all my limbs are still attached lol. I’m just a bit shaken because when i woke up the only person that is here is my brother… but anyway… last night didn’t go horrible…. a few harsh phrases were spoken… and he walked out of the room on me…. One thing he did say was that he still loves me… That was about the most shocking out of everything he said. Another thing that he said is that even when i was little he could tell i was going to be somewhat feminine… He ever since i was little he felt like i despised him. And thats weird to me because ever since i can remember i thought he despised me. And i’ve always been scared shitless of him.
Here is the thing though… I wanted him to get angry… i wanted him to hit me, or try to fight me, or throw me out of the house… Not just because thats what i expected… but because i wanted a reason to leave… I wanted a reason to leave this house. This controlling atmosphere that he and my mother have set. I don’t want to live here and be the outcast, i’d rather be out on my own struggling, than to live with a house full of people that are set on controlling every situation, and putting on some face and pretending like we’re this perfect little family…. I wanted a reason to leave.
You know i’ve been struggling for quite a while with my personal beliefs with this whole situation of my attraction to men and all that blah blah…. (thats a different story for a different day, when i’m not at an all time low)
Reflecting on religion today because me and my best friend in the WHOLE universe had a very in depth conversation this morning (she found out about my life a few months ago if you don’t follow me and my somewhat daily post)… well she’s been keeping this news from my father… and i feel horrible about it. i’ve always felt horrible about it because she’s hidden so much from him on my behalf, and i feel like i’m putting strain on their relationship. But anyway, she is encouraging me to tell him, if i indeed do not think this is a phase. And right now i honestly don’t think it is anymore. However, i’m just not ready to tell him that information… because i know telling him that information is the end all of everything. He’s my source of paying for part of my college funds, he provides the home i stay in when i’m on breaks… and he may not be the warmest heart in the world, and we may not have the best relationship with each other, but he’s my father… and the last thing i want to do is to disappoint him… especially with this type of information…. Now you’re probably thinking what does this have to do with religion? Well let me fill you in.
My family is strongly based in the Baptist religion. My grandfather is a pastor. My dad grew up in the church. my mom went to church every sunday with my great grand. We as a family very much so believe in God. For those who do not know some Baptist religions believe that homosexuality is immoral and a sin.
Now back to the story. So me and mom are sitting and talking and she is just drilling me. Not because she’s disgusted or thinks i’m like possessed. She is just really concerned for me and this isn’t the life that she envisioned for me to live. She’s talking about going before God and telling him that i want deliverance and to question why and to ask for forgiveness. And no matter how many times i say i’ve done it, its always well do it more often, be still and wait for him to respond….. Now i love my mother and i value her opinion and her advice. But i’ve done that for 7yrs… and nothing has changed. Their has been no angel that just floats down from heaven and says “i’m here to take away this awful curse that has been bestowed upon your life.” i haven’t woken up one morning and suddenly its just gone… my attraction for men has never just gone away. and as much as i’ve gone to God praying and crying and asking him to remove it from me, it has not gone anywhere. And i don’t know about anyone else, but after praying for deliverance for 7yrs, i get tired of waiting for results. I’m sorry but i’m human. i lack patience. If you are who you say you are, and you honestly believe this is not the path that you set me on then my guess would be that you would take that away from me. at least after 7yrs. No matter how consistent, or inconsistent my prayers, my actions were…. not even to mention at one time it was so bad that every time i saw a man i was attracted to i had a little prayer i would say it my head asking to remove that feeling. (it worked for a very brief second)…… IF THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU WANTED FOR ME THEN WHY AM I DEALING WITH IT? WHY WOULD YOU TEST ME WITH SOMETHING SO HORRIBLE AND LEAVE IT WITHIN MY MIND FOR 7YRS…. AND COUNTING?? I don’t understand why a loving, compassionate God, whom i serve and adore, would allow me to bear something so heavy for so long, even after i cry out to him for years. Why would i still be dealing with it if this wasn’t the path that was chosen for me? Why would i be so happy in a relationship that “is immoral.” I’ve never felt better in my life with someone than i do right now. i’m happy. i enjoy the time that i spend with him… and he makes me feel like i’m not missing a chunk of me that should be there… And you want to tell me that God doesn’t want that for me? Cause honestly right now, i couldn’t imagine life without him. And i thank God every day for bringing someone into my life that cares… and he doesn’t strike me down for it… he doesn’t start nipping away at the blessings that he has sat in front of me, and in fact, the blessings have increased, but my religion says its wrong. Its immoral… its a sin…
And what pisses me off most about this isn’t even that. Its the fact that religion has parents looking at their children sideways when they are following some sort of path that isn’t “morally” right according to the bible. And has kids scared to be honest with their family… the group of people that is supposed to love them the most out of everyone on this earth. Because they have feelings for the same sex. Has children believing that they’ll get disowned, that they’re bringing shame to the family name. Has me believing that once i give my father this information i’m going to be on my own. Knowing i’m going to be on my own, cause he’s not willing to support a homosexual male thru college. son or not. Got me wondering how i’m going to live on my own… has me questioning where i’m going to live, how am i going to get an education. how am i going to live… And the unfortunate thing is that in some cases… THIS IS A REALITY FOR MANY. One day your family loves you and then the next they shun you… because of one tiny detail. one flaw… if it is a flaw. Has families looking at the significant other with hatred…
I’m just disgusted with all of it…. And i see why people shy away from it all. I understand why people never want to talk religion. Never want to get to deep within a faith… have a connection with the spiritual world. Because if you screw up or if you don’t live according to every rule… It has everyone looking at you sideways. The people that love you, want to forget that you ever existed… has people walking down streets looking at you like wtf cause you’re holding hands with someone that is no different that you.
I was forming a backup plan in case i lost my scholarship… now i realize it was a backup plan for when i’m pushed out on my own. Cause i can’t afford my college. And if i have to pull out now… i honestly don’t think i’ll ever have the motivation to go back. Homeless with a dream. all because of a religious background. But i know God will provide a way. i have to believe that he’ll provide a way. because thats all i have now. I wonder what dad will say… I keep hoping that i’m wrong, but deep down… i know my father. And i know how deeply rooted he is in this religion… I hope i’m wrong…