More followers *forced smile* I love all my followers so i must send you a shout out even though this isn’t the greatest day of my life lol. So with that said “HELLO NEW FOLLOWERS!!! IF NO ONE ELSE LOVES YOU, REMEMBER THAT I DO! :D and i always have time to talk if you need it, i’m only a message away”
June4th…. Numb
So yesterday was supposed to be the day that I came out to my father… the last person to find out of everyone… And right when i built up the courage to knock on his bedroom door… he was sleeping. GREAT! So now i have to build all that courage back up over again… I guess it’ll be a bit easier today because i’m feeling a bit numb… Went to bed with a migraine yesterday and woke up with one today… haven’t said a word all day. Just numb.. because yesterday should’ve been the day… and now today is the day… And i’m still in suspense as to what will happen. And emotionally, it is killing everything in me. I haven’t felt this way since middle school when i had thoughts of suicide (NO I’M NOT THINKING ABOUT THAT… TO LATE FOR THAT LOL) I had a friend tell me a few minutes ago and i quote “Blah, just get it over with i feel like its gonna be way better than you think.” And its nice of him to think positively about it, however it ultimately just pissed me off… Mostly because i don’t feel like he or anyone has a full grip on the picture.
A child brought up by his mother and harshly disciplined by his father who would from time to time verbally abuse him while he was young. The only time this father was around was late night, and even then, he would grab his dinner from the kitchen… and go straight to his bedroom. The only time Dad wanted to be involved with this child was when he was participating in some manly sport (that he either forced the child to do, or the child did it because he wanted some fatherly attention). A father who was very stern and overbearing without being there at all… who also threatened to beat the childs ass on a high school parking lot and the only people there to protect the child was his friends and a teacher… A father who has been a lack thereof and for better term highly religious firm dictator who only is visible when someone is not doing something that pleases him….
That child… has had feelings for men all his life. That child, still remembers his first crush in 3rd grade, not being a women, but a male student teacher. And today he is planning to come out to a man he calls father, who has tortured him all his life for not being the son he wanted… Does that sound easy to you? Does that sound easy for anyone?
I’m walking into this alone. No protection, just walking straight into the danger zone. I don’t know if this man will fight me… I don’t know if this man will throw me out of his house… I don’t know if he’ll abandon me completely… And the sad part is that all of those things… are probable conclusions… Because this man is not a father to me… He is another man who looks at homosexuals with disgust and hatred… He provides for me because it is his job to do so… not because he wants to. And if he did want to, he had a very funny way of showing it.
Thats the story…
“I think the way they were brought into this world was very unique and weirdly scientific, and the technology involved in it, I think, is remarkable. But it came because we really, really wanted kids. Like we really had thought it through financially, emotionally, relationship-wise. Like we didn’t just accidentally get pregnant and decide that now we need to make this work. These kids came into our world with nothing but love.”
ah!!
(via elizabethandrea)
Source: sugar-motta
Source: fashionfaves
this is my human. when human is fussy, i just pet it like this.
as you can see, human is calm.
reblog everytime
this is still hilarious to me
(via jmwong90)
Source: sandandglass
“All in step, lines are clean… One of the best parade pictures ever.”
Then it hit me
OMG THOSE DIAGONALS. Why are they so perfect???
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(via annanananananatoes)
Source: fyeahphantomregiment
I know i’m not the only person who needed to hear this from someone today
(via livinglifewithderek)
Source: livinglifewithderek
I don’t know why i’m looking at this and crying…
(via im-a-bad-kid)
Source: forcharzak
Those moments when you spend hours in tears pouring out all your emotions onto a piece of paper designing a guard show thats has everything and nothing to do with you all at once….
June2nd…FROYO!
I won’t pull out every detail… but i will say… Seeing you today, and getting that support. And seeing that we’re moving past this…. It means a lot to me… and i’m glad that if i have no one else, i have you. And hopefully there will be more days like this to come!
June2nd… Almost
You know I almost made it through the whole week… but of course… its like diaries of a gay child living in a homophobic home lol… And the sad part is thats not the only thing that is going on.
First off, i guess i should share my experience yesterday. I told my Bro. and Sis. about my lifestyle yesterday… They didn’t freak out. In fact the funny part of it is they said that they already knew lol. And whats even more ridiculous is my brother is clinging on to me more than he ever has. Today he said that he didn’t care what i was and that i’m always gonna be his big brother… probably the sweetest thing i’ve heard in a while… little teary eyed here :’) haha.
But anyway. I guess the big bomb is that i’m thinking that its about time to say something to my dad… Everything between me and my parents is already a mess, so why not just lay everything out on the table. At some point i have to stop giving them this fantasy world where everything is exactly the way they want it… its no longer about them. its about me… So i guess this is it… I’m in my room packing now…. preparing for the worst, hoping for the best.
Sooooooo I guess this is it. The start… of what could possibly be the end… or the start of something amazing. really hoping for the second one. but if not… i’m prepared for the first
OMG NEW FOLLOWERS YET AGAIN!!! I MUST SAY HELLO! *clears throat* “HELLO MY NEWEST FOLLOWERS!!!! :D I LOVE YOU ALL AND REMEMBER THAT YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!”
June2nd….
Finding another place to live would be preferable… lol
Source: iloveugly.net
